SnappyPants.Net

If you've had recent cosmetic surgery, you know the wonderful feeling of well-being it can bring. But what about next year, when new styles, new profiles, and new cup sizes come into fashion? At the Institute for Contemporary Cosmetic Enhancement®, we understand that beauty is not a destination, but a journey. With the ICCE's program of Continuing Cosmetic Care® and Modular Facial Creations®, we can help you along that journey. Our cosmetic surgery techniques emphasize easy transformation and reconfiguration with only a few gentle swipes of the surgeon's delicate tools. So whether your future fashion needs dictate a refined, aquiline profile or that apple-cheeked girl-next-door look, you'll always be on the cutting edge.          The ICCE: Never Settle For Last Year's Nose

If you're like most people in the US, you've done a lot of work to make your cubicle walls entertaining to co-workers, clients, and random passers-by alike. Dilbert cartoons, Star Trek blueprints, interesting soda can sculpture -- these things take time and imagination, right? So why not see some return on your investment?

Introducing QubeAds: The Advertising of Tomorrow®! Simply stick one of our QubeAds® -- many of which are not pornographic -- on your cubicle walls along with all the other items of interest, set up the QubeCam® to monitor traffic, and we'll pay you up to one cent* for everyone who stops and looks. It's that easy!

So sign up with QubeAds® today, and let your workplace work for you!

*One cent rate applies only to porn ads. Other rates will be lower. QubeCam® rental fees additional. Payments will be withheld until account accrues $4000 or the sun becomes a red giant and devours the earth. QubeAds® is not responsible for losses suffered as a result of United Media sending guys to break your thumbs. Offer void where unusual.

	It's tough work, bein' a man.
	You work hard, and you play hard,
	and you DON'T stay clean.
	But when you're done, you want to GET clean, and you want to feel fresh all over. That's why you use Crotch Masculine Deodorant Spray.
	Crotch makes you feel clean in those special places, so you're always at your best.
	Crotch Masculine Deodorant Spray. When a man wants to feel good, he reaches for his Crotch.

The Porsche Girl

Way back when a long time ago Snappy, Squid and I would work on the trucks in front of Fortress 502 (Snappys old home base of operations). Every weekend with out fail if we were there Porsche Girl would be out posing and washing the car.  Always in 5" heels, miniskirt a small top.  Of course this lead to many minor fender benders in front of her house as the passers buy would strain their necks to see if in fact she had any panties on!  When ever anyone passing by would say anything to her she would just say Fuck you Asshole. Now since we were up the block and could not see her if she was washing the other side of the car she would turn the car around in the driveway so we would always have the best view.  To this day I still fondly remember dropping a 300lb drive shaft on myself under Snappys truck while watching her wash the car in thigh high boots, a leather mini skirt and jacket in October. So here's to you Porsche Girl where ever you are Thanks for all the memories!!!

Moshies second time around 

Quality Used Merchandise At Really Cheap Prices!

Never pay department store prices again! Our full-color catalog features dozens of used items, all at 50% or less than their original retail prices!

Thousands of individuals are abducted by extraterrestrial beings each year.

Who do the aliens choose, and why haven't they chosen you?

The fact of the matter is that most people will probably never have the opportunity to be abducted by aliens. And even those elite few who are selected for abduction receive no assurances that they will fully remember their experience--much less a guarantee that their abduction will be everything that they hoped it would be.

So why wait? The highly trained and professional staff at Alien Abductions Incorporated can provide you with personalized, realistic memories of the alien abduction and Anal Probing that you have been waiting for your entire life?

When you choose an AAI Abduction Experience our doctors, hypnotists, and memory implant technicians work with you in pre-abduction orientation sessions to customize one of our hundreds of stock abductions to suit your personal taste. You can even pick one of our fetishist's specials--interspecies breeding, medical experimentation anal probing --it's all up to you. 

Once your Abduction Experience has been implanted, we offer a wide range of add-on options, from the 24/7 Surveillance Special (to give you that added edge of real-life paranoia) to our exclusive Evidence Kit, which contains items specially selected to heighten your Experience. We even offer a low cost course of deprogramming, medication, and therapy that is available to any of our customers who may choose to discontinue their Experience.

WHETHER YOUR INTEREST IS CULTURAL, SCIENTIFIC, OR SENSUAL
Alien Abductions Incorporated can provide you with memories of an experience guaranteed to be unlike any other available on this planet!

Alien Abductions Incorporated is not Affiliated with Total Recall.

The new Jillette MACH9 (TM) takes shaving into the next century. It has nine face hugging Sharp Teeth blades to shave you up to nine times closer than conventional single and dual blade systems.

Developed in our top secret American labs using the latest space-age technology, the system takes the shaving experience to a level never dreamed of before. The razor head utilizes nine micro thin solid platinum blade Teeth each individually balanced. So what's the cost? Well, technology this advanced doesn't come cheap, but we're willing to bet that $999.95 for the razor including two spare heads is a small price to pay for - the best shave ever.

The CIA Health Plan
 

Well, Castro, El Hombre Con El Cigarro, El Red Grande*, has hit the big seven-one. He's officially an old, old dictator. The irony here is that the CIA has, over the last few decades, hatched enough plans to assassinate this guy to evoke a tax-funded Wile E. Coyote.

Is this coincidence? Or could it be that being hunted by the CIA is actually good for your health? Well, if you've tried fiber, oat bran, vegetarianism, Power Bars and Jazzercize, chances are you'll try anything. So, The Brunching Shuttlecocks ("Comedy With a 'Runch'") in collaboration with the Central Intelligence Agency ("Denying This Slogan Since 1947"), present:

The CIA Health Plan

$19.95/month - Surveillance For Your Health
The CIA will keep you under constant surveillance, with particular attention paid to your heart rate and apparent blood pressure. In forty years, when these documents are de-classified, you can obtain them under the Freedom of Information Act and use the data to formulate an exercise and diet plan.

$35.95/month - Insurrection: The Secret to Longevity
At this level, not only will the CIA monitor you as above, they will also wage a long-term plan to turn your friends and family against you. Eventually, with nobody around to invite you for a drink or to a fat-filled Thanksgiving dinner, your health will flourish.

$199.95/month - Extreme Prejudice For Life
This is the one you've been waiting for. For this reasonable price, the Central Intelligence Agency will devote an entire division to having you thrown from power, run out of the country by your neighbors, and/or killed. And, as experience shows, this will inevitably result in you having a long and prosperous life.

The CIA Health Plan: Because Your Health Shouldn't Be Foreign Intelligence.

*Yes, I know this is Spanish for "The Big Net." Work with me.