Welcome to New Jersey: Were Paving It Just for You
!!!
We here at SnappyPants
are Proud of our New Jersey Heritage. So allow us to Present for
your reading Enjoyment some Quasi
facts, Urban legends and a few Embellished Stories
Some Facts about New Jersey
Motto: Liberty and Prosperity
Nickname: Garden State
Population: 7,904,000; 9th
Land Area: 7,468 sq. mi; 46th
Highest Point: 1803 Feet
Lowest Point: Hoboken Err Sea
Level
State Flower: Violet
Tree: Red Oak
Bird: Eastern Goldfinch
Insect: Honey Bee
Fish: Brook Trout
Animal: Construction Horse
Tall Ship: A.J. Meerwald
Dinosaur: Hadrosaurus
Capital: Trenton
Population: 88,675
Statehood: December 18, 1787;
3rd
Shell: Knobbed Whelk
Coastline: 130 mi
Dance: Square Dance
Largest City: Newark
Population: 275,221
Return On Tax Dollars:
50th
State sport: Tailgating.
State snack: Cheeze-Its.
State Hobby: Road
Construction
State slogan: Tempus
Preventus Profundus
(Time is what keeps everything from happening at
once)*
So I grew up in jersey and I'm sure I was supposed to learn those facts
in high school but here are a few facts that most people don't know.
Especially if you lived in Hudson county. Did you know that you could cut school take the boulevard bus to Bayonne.
then take the CNJ to point pleasant hang out on the boardwalk take a swim
and go home for $10.00 with out your parents knowing.
I like New Jersey because, We put more politicians in jail
, where they
belong than any other state.
Please Enjoy a Video History Lesson
Scroll down for some Jersey stories.
But first our attorneys Stunuad, Stugats and Schmeil Not
real attorneys they just look like them. insisted on this
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And have a nice day.
New Jersey State Motos
Remember "New Jersey's Got It!? It made people
fear they might get it too.
It was replaced by the one that Gov. Kean made
famous, "New Jersey and You, Perfect Together." He
said "puhfect," like he was from Massachusetts,
but he got away with it because it was the 1980s and we didn't worry about
anything then.
Gov. Jim Florio's "New Jersey Works." that
is until he put half the state out of work with his new TAXES Unfortunately, it didn't work for one-term Jim.
New Jersey: What A Difference a State Makes."
Another loser. What the hell difference does a state make?
And now we're back to "New Jersey and You,
Perfect Together." Good Lord, these people need help so here at
snappypants we thought up some of our own.
New Jersey: A 55-Gallon Drum of Fun
Have Your Next Affair in New Jersey
New Jersey: You'll Get Used To It
New Jersey... Please Take Someone With You When You Leave
Welcome to New Jersey... Now go the fuck home!
New Jersey: everyone around here talks the same way I do.
I just have to
say a little bit about the world I grew up in! I come from a apart of
Northern New Jersey, where only the bold and adventurous wish to travel and
NO it is not TRENTON or CAMDEN we used to go there on vacation. To some,
this may mean nothing , but to others who grew up there, it is like a common
bond, you know...like how the guys in the service get toward one another. I
must confess though, being raised in this environment really has had it's
advantages! Ah Yes...I can remember as a young boy the block parties,
friendly neighbors, fine deli shops, and riding my bike around the
neighborhood unabashed by anything around me. Things were good then, partly
because I didn't have to pay any bill's and partly because.....well...I
didn't have to pay any BILL'S!! Dam ..I can remember spending hours on end
playing in the park that was literally only a stone's throw from my home.
But.. Yes.. of course someone" IN TRUE HUDSON COUNTY FASHION" got
the bright idea that it would make a better place for the LOCAL HOUND'S and
RAT'S to shit in for 20 or so years . I must admit , due to the over
whelming amount of fertilization that was taking place there, it became the
"TOWNSHIP GREEN BELT" and for some time increased the property
value of our home . I attended a local school in the downtown area of
this" INFAMOUS HUDSON COUNTY TOWN" you know the one....the school
was brand new in the sixties, but they forgot to place air conditioning in
the classrooms.....just the teachers areas...and to make matters worse they
only placed windows on the east and west sides of the building to ensure
pure summer heat stroke satisfaction!! You might say that this is were it
all began. I received nothing but the highest in educational standards over
the next 12 years of my life, and then was set free on the world!!
However....there was one dreadful mistake....Through years of constant
exposure to the local RIFF RAFF
, SCANDALS , POLITICAL FAVORITISM , OVER DEVELOPMENT OF THE INFRASTRUCTURE,
THE GENERAL CRUMBLING DECAY , GET RICH QUICK SCAMS, BOARDED UP HOMES, SHIT
HEADS PEDDLING SHIT ON THE CORNERS ,
NO PARKING , THE ABILITY TO APPROPRIATELY LEARN THE FINE TECHNIQUE OF TOUCH
PARKING , POTHOLE LADEN STREETS , 6 FIGURE SALARIES -" TO THOSE WHO CAN
GET AWAY WITH IT ",and the ever present "
"I'M ITALIAN
YOUR ITALIAN ..." YEAH " ...THAT'S OK MAN MENTALITY"
Well.. as you can
well imagine, there was just no hope for your surrounding counties, who
would usually produce your "average milk fed preppy" "dad may
I take the beamer out tonight type person. Shit if their are any guys or
girls out there that remember , cruising for chicks or guys in these tree
lined suburbs was the highlight of a good weekend! Now c'mon....how
many of you out there can't honestly tell me that you don't remember
receiving your "first sweat filled romp" with some girl named
something like SAMANTHA or MINDY or a guy who wasn't named ANTHONY or NICK
!! Hell I would venture to guess he or she was probably from the LYNDHURST
or RUTHERFORD area. Hell I would go so far as to say that she or he was
probably ITALIAN and her dad or his dad even had MOB CONNECTION'S!! Lord
knows they always said they did!! C'mon , you bastards admit it... they were
always better than the LISA'S or KAREN'S or John's and MIKES we were used
too!! heheheh.....<---- I hope people know this is meant in fun!! Ok, Ok,
Ok, how many of you would remember the infamous ( BROOKDALE PARK in CLIFTON
or BLOOMFIELD) now that's were a guy or for that matter.. a girl could go
and grab a sloppy.... umm.......ice cream.....from the dairy queen and
cruise....AH YES SHEAR INNOCENCE!! CONDOMS AKIMBO!! Ok ...Ok... we'll get
back to this later on ..now back to the attitude ! BUT FIRST :
So you see, we have been
molded into a "Huge Gelatinous Mass"
of "Hey Buddy Fuck You"... "NO Fuck You Pay Me"
"Sorry Bout That"... " Yeah Right"... "I Don't
Think So Bud".... "Jerk off That's My Parking
Spot"..."She's a Cock Tease" ..." He's a Loser"...
"How Much Did You Say We Can Make"..."Does Anybody Else Know
About This"..."FUCK DAT"..."Her Dad's
Connected"..."I Know For A Fact That Family Has Money They Just
Leased A New Beamer And Just Moved Into A Beautiful 2 Bedroom Section
"8" Apartment."..." How Much Did You Say You Make
Again"... "I'D Hit That"..."I Have A ME TOO
Car"..."I 'I'll Pop A Cap In Your Ass "..."She's
Hot"... "I Did Her" "Yo Nimrod"...and of course ,
if your a true hard core HUDSON COUNTY PERSON LIKE MYSELF , THE EVER
PRESENT..........."YEAH ...OK!!!!!! . You can easily see how are
everyday existence here in North Jersey Truly makes us a unique type. We
develop a strange way of thinking . Shit ..we even go so far as to group
things into categories , No matter what it is!
FOR INSTANCE
When we talk about politics' ...no
matter who they are, they are always..." A Bunch Of Thieving
Bastards".
Little kids walking up the street..." Their
probably the I'll' pricks that scratch everyone's car at night"!! It
couldn't be the touch parking academy we all attended though now could it?
Ever Notice... When your in the
left lane of a 3 lane highway , and the guy next to you wont let you cross
over to get to the exit ramp He's the asshole !! Along with all the other
Fucking Jerk offs blowing there horn's !! But then of course you reassure
your passenger that the guy was breaking your balls since you got on the
highway!!
Ever Notice...No matter how much
you got taken for on your new car ...You always tell your friend " I
got a Good Deal " or "I cant Complain , they Really Took Care Of
Me!!" see story below
Ever Notice...How we all hate the
bastards circling a mall parking lot, for the spot closest to the entrance.
Then we say there lazy asshole's!
Ever Notice... If the person is
tan with dark hair and he does something to piss you off. he's a jerk off
spic!
Ever Notice... If your wife or
girlfriend sees a woman dressed really sexy... all those girls are sluts!
Ever Notice... If we see someone
having a beer outside on a warm summer day....Their WHITE TRASH!!
We all take it up
the ass in paying ...TAXES , CAR INSURANCE , TOLL'S , The new WIDGET
FEE added to the phone bill , And oh yes... special
thanks and kudos' goes out to P.S.E.G for charging us that ENERGY
TRANSPORTATION FEE so conveniently placed in your gas & electric
bill ..but then again knowing new jersey they probably have inserted
TOLLS on the gas pipeline!!!
You're a genuine New Jerseyite if you
recognize or can relate to at least 10 of these...
You've been seriously injured at Action Park.
You don't think of citrus when people mention "The Oranges."
You know that it's called "Great Adventure," not "Six Flags."
You've ordered a hard roll with butter for breakfast.
You've known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.
You've eaten at a diner, when you were drunk, at 3 am.
You remember that the "Two Guys" were from Harrison.
You know that the state isn't one big oil refinery.
At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and you know what town Jon Bon Jovi is from.
You know what a "jug handle" is.
You know that a Krauszer's is a convenience store.
You know that the state isn't farmland.
You know that there are no "beaches" in Jersey - there's "The Shore," and you know that the road to the shore
is "The Parkway" not "The Garden State Highway."
You know that "Piney" isn't referring to a tree.
Even your school cafeteria made good Italian subs. And you call it a "sub" not a "submarine sandwich"
or worse yet, a "hoagie" or a "hero."
You remember the song from the Palisades Park commercials.
You know how to properly negotiate a Circle.
You knew that the last question had to do with driving.
You know that this is the only "New..." state that doesn't require "New" to identify it (like, try ...Mexico,
...York,...Hampshire -(doesn't work, does it?).
You only go to New York City for day trips, and you only call it "The City."
You know that a "White Castle" is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a fast food sandwich.
You consider a corned beef sandwich with lettuce and Mayo a sacrilege.
In the 80's you wore your hair REALLY high.
You don't think "What exit" (do you live near?) is very funny.
You know that the real first "strip shopping center" in the country is Route 22.
You know that people from 609 area code are "a little different."
You know that no respectable Jerseyite goes to Princeton - that's for out-of-staters.
The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar.
You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.
You can see the Manhattan skyline from some part of your town.
You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.
Every year, you had at least one kid in your class named Tony.
You know where every "clip" shown in the Sopranos opening credits is.
You've gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of Willowbrook Mall.
You've eaten a Boardwalk cheese steak with vinegar fries.
You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February.
And finally..
You've never pumped your own gas.
Secretaries all die there hair..
Cop's are all cheating Bastard's
Fireman are all sexy dude's
Computer geek's now are in power
Mailmen are all sick strange
people who don't go out side after work
Dancer's now make the best wives
and mommies
Car's now burn so clean, they
filter the air for us and help the environment
Gas guzzling S.U.V'S are the way
to go!
As I sit and ponder these thoughts
I realize that there truly is a difference in the way we live and spend our
time around this great state. Some like to refer to the old joke...Hey you
live in New Jersey ...What Exit? I for the most part tend to enjoy my rather
strange and mystical surroundings
Places to Visit in Jersey
Search for the sought after town of Midgetville
Midgetville was on River Road before the GWB. The houses were small and the stop signs small. They were cottages and still exist, although no midgets lived there. It was a rumor spread to keep people out of this exclusive
area, even though we always wound up there at 3am after a drunken night.
THE EDGEWATER-FAIRVIEW TUNNELS
One of the great lost passageways of New Jersey, the Edgewater Tunnel stretches
from Fairview to Edgewater, under houses, a cemetery and other structures. This was
at one time the railway for the Susquehanna & Western Railroad company, but was abandoned many years ago.
Visit The Egg-O-Mat
Until recently, one of New Jersey’s most unusual roadside oddities could be found on Mountain Blvd. in the town of Warren. It was the Egg-O-Mat: A 24-hour vending machine offering "Eggs of Distinction." Now, a mere shell of its former self, the self-service egg dispenser is remembered fondly by local residents who used to travel to the unique device at all hours of the day or night for fresh eggs.
b
THE ROUTE 23 MYSTERY POLES:
The first pole art piece appeared around 1994 along the southbound lane of Rt. 23 near Smoke Rise, Kinnelon. A plastic pumpkin sat atop a 30 ft. utility pole, grinning to
passers-by. Slowly other characters began showing up atop the poles along that stretch road; a chicken, a bowling pin, a two foot tall beer bottle, a mail box, a rabbit, a flamingo, and a
bright pink pig, were all perched on consecutive low voltage telephone poles.
Nobody seems to know who was placing them there though, making their strange appearance even more perplexing to the local residents.
As if this wasn’t brazen enough, whoever is responsible has more recently been decorating the poles in a much more highly visible area of Route 23, near Canistear Road. Yes, just as the Kinnelon grouping of pole ornaments began to fade due to weathering, their mysterious mounter surprised everyone by starting a whole new group a few miles farther north, on the poles that border the Oak Ridge Reservoir. Now West Milford residents are feeling
the draw of the pole art, where a metal whale and a plastic cat were the first in what would soon be a long line of roadside attractions. Soon to follow; a witch, a gnome, a rubber chicken, Big Bird, a Mutant Ninja Turtle, a
snowman, a ball and chain, Mr. Peanut, an alien, and the list goes on and on
b
THE SHIRTWOOD FOREST
In Brick, and on the other side of this small town is a patch of woods right by a swamp. During the month of October I have ventured there many times and I always find the same weird thing. On October 17th there were
17 white dress shirts hanging 20 feet high in the trees. We went on the 29th of October and guess what? Yes, there were 29 shirts hanging on the trees along with a strange bird with it’s neck snappped laying at the bottom
of the trees. Today is the 31st and I wonder what’s gonna happen next?
Visit The Jet In The Woods
in a patch of woods off Macopin Road. at the edge of a swampy marsh area. a jet that had crashed, and broken into pieces. All of the gauges were out of
the jet, but the cockpit was still intact. The wings were broken off and the tail was some 55 yards away. The
strange part was that the trees were all grown up around it. Everyone I spoke to after that said that they had never heard of the jet in the woods. Now that's weird in New
Jersey.
NJ’s Nike Missile Bases:
The Cold War Fought Right in Your Own Back Yard. It might surprise a lot of New
Jerseyans today to know that during the Cold War many of our sleepy suburban communities played a crucial strategic role in America's last line of defense.
During the 1960s and 70s, when tensions between the U.S. and U.S.S.R. were at their peak, Nike Missile Bases dotted the Garden State landscape.
The bases, which were located in Middletown, Old Bridge, S. Plainfield, Livingston, East Hanover, Wayne, and
Mahwah. The missiles, some with nuclear warheads, would be guided by radar, and were designed to intercept and destroy incoming Soviet air squadrons
these weapons stood ever vigilant, on their launch pads, or in underground bunkers, sometimes just yards away from unsuspecting residential neighborhoods. While in operation these government installations were heavily guarded and completely off limits to the public.
Thanks To Weird N.J.
Visit their site for more exciting Road Trips.
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