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Todays Completly Usless Information
 
   Know It All

 

Quote Banner 1

Useless facts you should know

How To Succeed At The Office 

Are you looking for an easy way to make a living? Would you like job security, work at your own pace, do only the jobs that you enjoy, have lots of days off with pay, and be the envy of the office? Then this is for you. After years of reading self-help books and listening to motivational tapes that always let me down, I discovered the one and only true way to success at the office.

The #1 way to succeed at the office is to have an affair with your boss. The benefits are endless.

The Endless Fax


This stunt is guaranteed not to make you Employee of the Month, you'll be greatly relieved to know.

Make two copies of a nice friendly message, like...


Fax



Tape them together. Feed them to your fax machine
and start sending. When the first sheet comes out, quickly
tape it to the second sheet to form a loop...


Fax 1


...and now go on a long vacation. See if anything interesting happens by the time you get back.

 

Elwood

 

Telephone Songs

OH AND YES THEY DO WORK!!      Rotary Phone


This is for all of you frustrated musicians...who want to turn all of us into frustrated listeners.


...You can play music on your phone by pressing the buttons on the top (1,2,3)...and along the side (6,9,#). But don't play the 4,5,7,8,*, or 0. They sound even worse than the others.

Happy Birthday
112163
112196
11#9632
969363
Auld Lang Syne
11113212
321139#
#9331212
321##91
Frere Jacques
12311231
369369
9#9631,9#9631
191,191
Mary Had a Little Lamb
3212333
222,399
3212333
322321

Louie, Louie
111-66-999-66

Help
911
911
911
911

How Much

  • How much is inside a print cartridge?  
    • No one knows for sure but it's never enough to print out all your porn.
  • How much is inside a ketchup packet? 
    • About one-fifth of the amount one needs to enjoy French fries. 
  • How much is inside one of those 40' shipping containers?   
    • No one knows, because they are always sealed shut. 
  • How much is inside a couple of "D" cell batteries?
    • They last forever or until you need to use them which ever comes first
  • How much is inside a bag of Doritos?   
    • Everyone knows that there are just the right amount of chips in a bag to make you feel queasy 
  • How much Paper is there in a Sunday Newspaper?  
    • Precisely the size of Golden Gate Park in San Francisco.    
  • How much silly string is in a can?   
    • Lots. 
  • How much blood is in a human being?  
    • Hard to tell. Until now. 6 quarts the same amount of oil in you engine
  • How much expanding foam is there in a can?   
    • Lots.  The 20 oz. can. is enough to make a foam girl friend
  • How much Cheese is there in a can of Cheese Whiz?  
    • None! the orange stuff sure as hell isn't cheese! 

 

GETTING MARRIED IN NEW JERSEY

IS NOT PROFITABLE!!!!!

 

Quote Banner 2

 

Skepticisms is the longest word that alternates hands when typing!


It's illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while you're sitting on a curb in St. Louis!

No piece of square dry paper can be folded more than 7 times in half!

Over 2500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people!

Cash


There are more than 10 million bricks in the Empire State Building!


The Earth weighs around 6,600,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons (5,940 billion billion metric tons)!

The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth!

A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second!

If you counted 24 hours a day, it would take 31,688 years to reach one trillion!

In the Durango desert, in Mexico, there's a creepy spot called the "Zone of Silence." You can't pick up clear TV or radio signals.

Ethernet is a registered trademark of Xerox, Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T.

Clog Brain

Every year about 98% of atoms in your body are replaced.

Hot water is heavier than cold.

If you went out into space, you would explode before you suffocated because there's no air pressure.

Sound travels 15 times faster through steel than through the air.

A ball of glass will bounce higher than a ball of rubber. A ball of solid steel will bounce higher than one made entirely of glass.

No one seems to know why people blush.

In 1972, a group of scientists reported that you could cure the common cold by freezing the big toe.

Seen 

Your thumb is the same length as your nose.

The storage capacity of human brain exceeds 4 Terrabytes

Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, was home to Rocky and Bullwinkle.

The writers of The Simpsons have never revealed what state Springfield is in.

Theaters in Glendale, California can show horror films only on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday.

Nobody yet has explained satisfactorily why couples who marry in January, February, and March tend to have the highest divorce rates.

Batman

Your statistical chance of being murdered is one in twenty thousand.

If you earn twenty thousand dollars a year, one minute of your time is worth a little more than seventeen cents.

Despite the fact that 77 percent of Americans go to the grocery store with a list, it's estimated that half of everything bought there is bought on impulse. Supermarkets report very strong sales of almost anything they stock at the check-out line.

Someone on Earth reports seeing a UFO every three minutes. In the U.S., reported sightings are most likely to occur in July, at 9 p.m. or 3 a.m.

Dark Side of The Moon (a Pink Floyd album) stayed on the top 200 Billboard charts for 741 weeks! That is 14 years.

Pink Floyd

Someone within 200 miles of your town claims to have had direct contact with a monster, ghost or other unexplainable being.

The average New York City household generates 6.2 pounds of garbage each day.

Most toilets flush in E flat.

Some people consider the $1 bill unlucky because there are so many 13's on it: 13 stars, 13 stripes, 13 steps, 13 arrows and even an olive branch with 13 leaves on it. Of course the $1 bill is unlucky - if it was lucky it would be a $100 bill.

You can't plow a cotton field with an elephant in North Carolina.

In Lehigh, Nebraska it's against the law to sell donut holes.

Organized crime is estimated to account for 10% of the United States' national income.

Lawn darts are illegal in Canada.

Lawn Darts

Every citizen of Kentucky is required by law to take a bath at least once a year.

In New York State, it is still illegal to shoot a rabbit from a moving trolley car.

In Saudi Arabia, a woman reportedly may divorce her husband if he does not keep her supplied with coffee.

President Theodore Roosevelt was the first to announce to the world that Maxwell House coffee is "Good to the last drop."

Maxwell House Coffee Sign

 

Quote Banner 3

 

Redondo Beach, Calif., a police officer arrested a driver after a short chase and charged him with drunk driving. Officer Joseph Fonteno's suspicions were aroused when he saw the white Mazda MX-7 rolling down Pacific Coast Highway with half of a traffic-light pole, including the lights, lying across its hood. The driver had hit the pole on a median strip and simply kept driving. According to Fonteno, when the driver was asked about the pole, he said, "It came with the car when I bought it."

When police arrived in Appleton, Wisconsin to remove a woman's children because of a complaint that she had given her 11-year-old daughter a "swirlie" (Holding her head in a flushing toilet). The woman reportedly said, "I haven't had a vacation in 13 years, go ahead and take them!"

A reward of $1,000 was offered for information leading to the capture and conviction of a man robbing taxi drivers. The man turned himself in and demanded the reward as a result. He received a 20 year sentence for aggravated robbery instead.

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

In 1970, Russel T. Tansie, an Arizona lawyer filed a $100,000 damage lawsuit against God. The suit was filed on behalf of Mr. Tansie's secretary, Betty Penrose, who accused God of negligence in His power over the weather when He allowed a lightning bolt to strike her home. Ms. Penrose won the case when the defendant failed to appear in court. Whether or not she collected has not been recorded.

A man went in to rob a bank. He demanded the clerk to give him all the money. They told him to go sit out in his car and they would bring him the bags of money. He agreed and went out to his car. In the meantime, the people in the bank called the police. When they got there the man was still sitting in his car waiting for the money and they arrested him

R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer felon-location equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.

Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should have blown your head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "If I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.

A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little bit too far" in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge reduced the sentence to 1,001 years.

Eugene-Francois Midocq, a French thief and outlaw, evaded the police for years, turned police spy, joined the force as a detective, and ultimately used his knowledge of crime to establish a new crime-fighting organization, the Surete.

 
Cheat Codes for Application Programs

Quicken '98
Typing BIGBUX enters an extra $10,000 in your checking account
Typing HITMEDEALER increases the interest on your savings account to 25% APR
Typing THERESGOLD diverts all profits from MS Money into your bank account
Netscape Communicator 4.5
Entering WHOABABY into the location field gives you unlimited access to porn sites
Entering NONOTTHAT removes all links to pages that spell "cool" as "kewl".
Entering FORGODSSAKESTOPITRIGHTNOW turns off blink.
Microsoft Excel 97
Moving the cursor up, then down, then up, then left, then down, then up makes using a spreadsheet seem slightly less dull for about two seconds.
 
Couch Potato

 

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