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Customer Disservice Operator Julie
Customer Disservice Phone Center Henchperson
Thank you for calling the VillainSupply Customer Disservice line. Congratulations are in order, since we do not give out this number. What is your 24-digit customer PIN? ••• Yes, sir, I understand that you already entered it in three times. ••• What's that sir? You have a complaint? Well, let me familiarize you with our complaints policy.
YOU WILL NOT "COMPLAIN." YOU WILL BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT WE SEND YOU, IF WE SEND ANYTHING AT ALL.
Yes, sir, I understand that you are dissatisfied with your Mecha Body Armor. ••• Really? Ripped off both your arms and your legs? I'm sorry to hear that, sir. Perhaps you would like to purchase our cyborg upgrade. ••• Sir, threatening my life will accomplish nothing -- I probably won't live out the week anyway. ••• Sorry, sir, Baron Devastation is headed towards my cubicle. If I don't give him a hummer, he'll shoot me dead. ••• No, sir, not the car. Good-bye, and thank you for shopping VillainSupply! <click!>
--Customer Disservice Operator Julie, Customer Disservice Phone Center Henchperson

What is VillainSupply

villainsupply is a website dedicated to fulfilling the needs of the supervillain community. We also provide products for despots, terrorists, criminals, and right-wing organizations.
Is VillainSupply a real site?

Of course, you stupid putz. What kind of a dumbass would take all the time to fake a site like this?
What is World Domination LLC?

World Domination LLC is a shadowy cabal of superpowered supervillains allied for a single purpose -- to take over the world, or to destroy it.
I think that VillainSupplyis a really cool site. Can I link to it?

We're gratified that you think our site is "cool." We hope you think it's "cool" when we unleash our artificial bunyavirus into your town's water supply. It painfully melts all your skin off, but usually doesn't kill you. It's not part of the Master Plan -- just a fun little prank we're planning.
I'm pretty villainous, and I'd like to participate in the creation of this site. What can I do?

While we are always recruiting replacement henchpersons, our supervillainy projects are fully staffed at this time. Send us your ideas Your e-mail will be immediately forwarded to the appropriate Delete Bin.

I have a great product for you to sell. Will you distribute it for me?

If your product were really that great, we would have already thought of it. But if we were for some reason interested in your lame-ass product, we would be happy to steal the idea and sell it without you.
Will your e-commerce server ever be up and running again?

Ask the Justice Jammers. They have our henchlawyers all tied up in the World Court at the Hague, trying to claim that our computer equipment is "evidence."
Some of your prices are listed in currencies that no longer exist, like the Deutschmark. Do you accept the Euro?

Are you kidding? Do you know who's behind the Euro? Do you think we're going to help our rivals take over the world? That's why we don't accept the Euro, we don't use Microsoft products, and we don't collect "Magic" cards.
I'm having trouble placing an order on the main VillainSupply site. What should I do?

That's because the e-commerce server is down, dumbass. So what should you do? Kill yourself and save us the effort.
One of your product listings refers to the sun as an "M"-class star. Did you know that Sol is in fact a "G"-class star?

Maybe to your primitive Earth science. But anyone with an I.Q. over 320 knows that your puny yellow sun is in fact an "M"-class star. It is also an intelligent plasma lifeform, bent on consuming all the planets in your solar system, including your miserable Earth. We're in negotiations with it now to join our team.
In one of your product listings, you refer to sharks laying eggs. Did you know that Great White sharks reproduce via aplacental viviparity? They give birth to 2-14 fully-formed pups that are up to 5 feet (1.5 m) long.

Our Great White sharks lay eggs.

Violence Princess Ai is really kawaii (cute)! Can I meet her?

Violence Princess Ai is pretty darn cute. She also kills every man she sleeps with, usually through some painful, slow and gruesome sexual perversion. Still want to meet her?