GMOH ADVANCED ESCAPE VEHICLE

People have written in to ask us, "why don't you have a section devoted to escape pods?" Cowardly fools! First off, every lair comes with an escape enablement system, or it's not a "lair." And second, why are you so concerned about having to get away? Unsure of your "perfect scheme?"

That said, it's always prudent to have a backup plan. So Sugomi Ziabatsu LLC presents the GMOH Advanced Escape Vehicle System. Don't trust your most precious cargo (yourself) to risky ejection systems or bulky jet pods you can't control. The GMOH is a complete emergency transport system, complete with self-guided VTOL armored risk-avoidance vehicle. And the entire system installs in any medium-to-large lair.

Price: US$220,000,000 (Save 10%!)

BUDGET LAIR WITH MINI-DOME

Evil On A Budget, Inc. presents the Mini-Lair, a 30 x 30 x 20m corrugated metal lair with incorporated mini-dome, suitable for small missile launches, medium-sized lasers, or other small-to-midsize superweapons. Includes convenient, obvious self-destruct mechanism. A/C and electricity extra.

Price: US$4,999 (Save 20%!)

SECLUDED MOUNTAINTOP VILLA

3,200 square meter mountaintop villa comes complete with master bedroom, 3 guest rooms, full kitchen, fireplace, sauna, game room, indoor theater, hidden central computer room, carport, tiger trap, swimming pool, armory, walk-in closets, discreet morgue/crematorium, and convenient, obvious self-destruct mechanism. Optional missile defense expansion kit. Produced by Greenacre Homes (Villain Division).

Price: US$3,500,000 (Save 10%!); Missile Defense Upgrade only US$350,000

HYDROFOIL YACHT - MOBILE SECURITY AT A REASONABLE PRICE!

Why should your lair sit still, waiting for the so-called "good guys" to find it? Stay mobile in a EvilTech Industries HydroYacht 2000! Top speed, 75 knots; petrol engine, with a mini-atomic fuel cell upgrade available. Master bedroom, 6 guest cabins, conference room with InstaDeath™ Chairs, global communications suite, shark cage, dorsal hardpoints for weapons upgrades (metric, not standard), and convenient, obvious self-destruct mechanism.

Price: US$7,250,000 (Save 10%!); Atomic Upgrade US$10,000,000*
*uranium not included

SUBTERRANEAN ISLAND BASE WITH OPTIONAL VOLCANO UPGRADE

When you graduate from villain to Supervillain, your lair must also graduate from a lair -- to a SuperLair. That's why Volcanic Island Contractors is the NUMBER ONE manufacturer of secret lairs in the world! Your private island comes equipped with a secret underground submarine bay, Master Bedroom, a 40-room luxury villa, atomic reactor, missile/laser launch bay, command room (T3 lines included), shark trap, billiards room, cybernetics lab, full bar, housing and facilities for up to 250 henchpersons, private suites for up to 12 beautiful bikini women, and convenient, obvious self-destruct mechanism. Buy the volcano upgrade, and get a free Nikon Digital Camera!

Price: US$999,999,999.99; Volcano Upgrade US$10,000,000* - 50,000,000**
*inactive **active

CORPORATE MEGA-TOWER LAIR

Secure yourself from the prying eyes of journalists, world leaders, law enforcement, and meddlesome do-gooders in the top three floors of your 112-story Corporate Mega-Tower. Designed and contracted by Scaramanga & No, LLC, the mega-tower generates revenue and gives you direct access to business leaders and lackeys while providing a fantastic view of all that will soon be yours to rule. Includes Luxury Living Suite, Master Control Center, Escape Rocket Launch Bay, Elevator of Death, private cafeteria, personal express elevator with easily-guessed security code, and convenient, obvious self-destruct mechanism.

Price: US$2,500,000,000 each (Buy twin towers, get FREE building-to-rocket upgrade!)

ARMORED LUXURY CRUISE SHIP W/ STEALTH TECHNOLOGY

JKL Shipyards (Despots & Dictators Division) presents the ultimate in sea-going evil: The Obsidian Mark XII Armored Luxury Cruise Ship, featuring the latest in BlackOps "Stealth" technology. With a gross tonnage of 150,000 UMS, and measuring 1,131' length, 131' breadth, and 32' draught, the Mark XII is the largest armored luxury craft on the market. Its 17 spacious decks can hold an army of underlings, minions, and sex slaves; up to 3,200 crew and prisoners total! 13 professional kitchens produce fine meals (or gruel) 24-hours a day! With sumptious Master Living Quarters, World Domination Telecommunications Center, Spacious 8-story atrium, 3 Grand Ballrooms, Piranha trap, 4 Olympic swimming pools, Helicopter Deck, Missile Launch Bay, Mini-Submarine with launch bay, Shuffleboard Courts, Mini-Hospital with Torture Chamber, and and convenient, obvious self-destruct mechanism.

Price: Starts at US$3,700,000,000. Speak to a representative for details: 1-800-JKL-SHIPS

UNDERSEA CITY - HIDE WHERE THEY'LL NEVER FIND YOU!

Humanity ignores 70% of this vast planet - the 7/10ths that lies under the sea. Hatch your schemes from EvilTech's UnderSea City 3000, the submarine lair that (practically*) builds itself! Create a habitat for yourself and up to 500 minions in this safe**, reliable*** undersea environment. Includes 3 luxury residences, submarine base, central control module, nuclear energy source, lab space, private suites for up to 12 beautiful bikini women, and convenient, obvious self-destruct mechanism.

Price: US$4,000,000,000 (Save 60%!)
*requires 1200 specially-trained aquatic construction personnel
**as long as no one resets the pressure seals above the red line, from one of many obvious and accesible control panels
***reliability based on computer models; not guaranteed

ORBITAL SPACE STATION - THE ULTIMATE IN SECURITY & PRIVACY!

When it's time for your Domination plans to go Global, then an island or an undersea city just isn't enough. Take your power and security to the extreme with an ORBITAL SPACE STATION. Produced by a former Soviet contractor who wishes not to be named, your personalized space platform includes: Master Bedroom, 18 guest cabins, artificial gravity promenade deck, fine galley, 3 spacedocks, Centrifuge of Death, oxygenation garden, cloning laboratory, missile launch bay, and particle beam laser bay. What's more, the Particle Beam Laser, 2 ex-American Space Shuttles, 18 robot henchmen, and 3 sexy FemBots are INCLUDED in the price! No upgrades needed! Includes convenient, obvious self-destruct mechanism. Order today!

Price: US$18,250,000,000 (Save 35%!)*
*construction and orbital insertion extra