PERSONNEL-BASED ELECTROMAGNETIC RAIL GUN

A personnel-based electromagnetic rail gun? You must be crazy!!!

Well, of course we are. And you would be too, to pass up on this bleeding-edge high-tech beauty. Electromagnetically accelerates steel slugs to 12% of the speed of light. Good for taking out heavy mobile armor, taking down jumbo jets from your patio, and taking pot shots at the lunar lander. Manufactured by the safety-conscious folks at the Weylan-Yutani Corporation.*

Price: US$12,200,000 ea. (bulk discount available)
*This weapon generates an EM field that has been known to disrupt communications, damage and erase electronic media, and destroy computer equipment within a 50 km radius; also causes infertility and microcancers in the operator, and destabilizes all EM activity in the operator's brain, leading to irreversible coma. An asbestos helmet is advised.
**The Weylan-Yutani Corporation is currently paying a large bounty for information leading to the retrieval of xenomorphic macrofauna. Contact Carter J. Burke, ex. 180286.

PERSONNEL-BASED ROCKET LAUNCHER

Sunny Horizons Weapons Systems Inc., of Austin Texas, presents the standard for light infantry heavy weaponry; the Rocket Launcher, a.k.a. "bazooka." Fires one round, but boy, does that round pack a punch. Rockets extra.

Price: US$12,200; rockets US$189.95 ea.

ACCU-KAK SYSTEMS NON-LETHAL ANTIPERSONNEL UNIT

You're looking for two things -- a cheap, effective personnel-based weapon that will incapacitate large numbers of rioters, unruly minions, government agents or enemy soldiers; and an end to those pesky wrongful death suits. Then the Accu-kak Non-Lethal APU is for you! With five guaranteed* non-lethal antipersonnel options: the glue gun incapacitates up to 30 people harmlessly** in a sticky mucilage paste; the net gun will bind up to 12 persons in a comfortable*** nylon net; the lubricant gun immobilizes up to 50 persons with a nontoxic**** super-lubricating synthetic Teflon fluid; the electric taser immobilizes up to 24 people with a range of 25', with no harmful side-effects*****; and the foam gun encases up to 150 people in a fast-hardening acrylic-based foam******. Cleanup is easy!

Price: US$12,999; glue, net, lube, taser & foam cartridges extra.
*Guarantee not guaranteed
**glue has been known to clog nose and throat, leading to death
***net has been known to strangle targets, leading to death
****lubricant has been known to be so effective that emergency personnel can not reach targets for many days, leading to death
*****taser has been known to electrocute targets, leading to death
******foam has been known to smother targets, leading to death; actually, this always happens

MOBILE MISSILE LAUNCHER

You want a portable, easy-to-use missile launcher you can trust your henchmen not to fuck up, but you're tired of buying Soviet. That's why Evil On A Budget, Inc. refurbishes used Israeli missile launchers, strips off the VIN numbers, and sells them to you at an amazingly low price!

Price: US$850,000 each (save 60%)

"L'IL CRUSHER" ECONOMY MOBILE OFFENSIVE UNIT

Evil On A Budget, Inc. presents the "L'il Crusher," the unit that combines economy with lethality. Hardened steel armor over a Kia Sportage chassis, the L'il Crusher features room for four, ample truck space, built-in heavy machine gun, additional hardpoints for four heavy weapons, and a spare tire. At 8 mpg city/12 mpg highway, it's the best fuel economy you'll find in any armored vehicle!

Price: US$16,498 with 3-year lease package

SPV ADVANCED ARMORED VEHICLE

Tanks? Your welcome! Welcome to keep them, that is! They're noisy, ugly, cumbersome, gas-guzzling monstrosities with no flair or panache! That's why you need Syko-Systems Paramilitary Vehicles' AAV, or advanced armored vehicle. How is an AAV different from a conventional tank? Stop asking questions, insolent swine! Just buy! Buy! Buy!

Price: US$7,500,000 each; fashion seat covers US$99.99 ea.

THE ORIGINAL BRIEFCASE NUKE

The Ultimate Terrorist Weapon from the ultimate terrorism supplier, FSS Inc. Each unit constructed lovingly by hand by former Soviet scientists. 100 megaton yield, The completed unit, with fuel, weighs only 90 pounds, and the titanium alloy shell is impervious to airport x-rays. Comfortable stainless steel carrying handle. 30-day warrantee.

Price: US$12,000,000
*uranium not included.

COBRA SR/LY MISSILE DELIVERY PLATFORM

When you think of illegally-manufactured military-grade weapons delivery systems, you probably think of Mendez Cartel LLC. And the latest addition to the Mendez line is THE COBRA, a portable land/sea short range low yield nuclear missile delivery platform priced for the supervillain on the go. Features three launch racks, targeting system ports, and classy a chrome winch head. Available in Desert Camo, Jungle Camo, and Fashion Black.

Price: US$22,000,000

INTERCONTINENTAL BALLISTIC MISSILE & SILO KIT

So you've stolen a nuclear warhead, and you have no way to deploy it. It's a common enough problem for supervillains who don't think ahead. Abandoned missile silos are run-down, damaged, and usually filled with black stinky water. So why not build your own? Easy to use kit includes all parts and components for one ICBM missile, launch silo, fueling system, and launch control room. Warhead and tools* not included. All you need is a 400 foot hole in the ground and some elbow grease! 15-day guarantee.

Price: US$736,000,000
*REQUIRES TOOLS: 80-ton capacity rail crane (explosion-proof to European standards) & 5000kg chain hoists, an aerial lift, a digger derrick, a 20,000 lb. telescopic boom, a 13,230 lb.-capacity crawler carrier, palletizers and concrete mixers, an industrial concrete saw, an industrial sandblaster, a 30m coring rig, a flat lapping machine, a trencher, a loader backhoe, a motor grader, trailer-mount air compressors, a skid steer loader with GP Bucket (metric), a vapor recovery unit, a portable amine gas sweetening & glycol dehydration unit, a filter-coalescing separator and reboiler, a cable extractor, a large-capacity basket bottom dump centrifuge, a gyratory primary crusher with lubrication system, a 15" x 30" clausing lathe, a carbon-steel versator with 15" diameter disc, a cantilever compactor with 14"x10" rolls, 1200 lbs. of gasless MIG wire, MIG welding rig with spool gun, plasma cutting and gouging system, and medium-size Philips head screwdriver