know!"
THEY'LL KNOW. NEVER BLUFF WITH SUPERWEAPONS.
If you're going to freeze London, or slice Florida off into the sea, or blow up the moon, THEN BE PREPARED TO FOLLOW THROUGH. Nothing's worse than a supervillain who's all bark and no bite. It just makes the rest of us look bad, and gives "heroes" ideas.
-- Melanomor The Solar Man, Task Force Destruct-O

SOL ORBITAL LASER PLATFORM & CONTROL UNIT

The Neo-Tokyo Global Defense Forum, as part of their Rebuild Tokyo Again Clearance Sale, is looking for buyers for its remaining functional SOL ("Solar Orbital Laser) Platform.

The satellite fires a 50 terawatt coherent beam at Earth-based targets, with area-of-effect control so precise, you can eradicate a city block or slice someone's arm off. The laser is controlled by a unique "aim and shoot" hand-held control unit -- just fire and forget. The SOL is guaranteed to vaporize any target,* and since the system is physically located in Earth orbit, the unit is safe from almost any attacker.**

In order to cover our rebuilding costs, we are letting this system go at a remarkable low price.

Price: ¥30,000,000,000
*God-like super-evolved teenage research subjects with inferiority complexes may only be partially vaporized
**Except those who can fly into space, possess orbital launch capabilities, or can shoot/melt things with their minds from a distance of several hundred kilometres.

BUDGET RAIL GUN HOME KIT

Ready to graduate to the big leagues, but still a little short on the Krugerrands? Evil On A Budget, Inc. presents the Rail Gun home kit. Fire iron pellets at 34% of the speed of light -- will destroy airliners, small satellites, and alien saucers. Kit comes will all parts, accessories, and electromagnets; all you need is a standard Ikea hex wrench. A perfect complement to the Budget Lair with Mini Dome.

Price: US$9,900; lead pellets 4 for a US$1.00

KRYOZAP 6000 SUPER FREEZE RAY

A few years ago, a young supervillain named Dr. Kryo had a dream: to freeze all of Philadelphia to absolute zero. The poor Doctor was incarcerated before he could realize his dream, but the plans for his Kryozap 6000 Super Freeze Ray have fallen into the hands of Syko-Systems Inc., and now that young dreamer's dream can become a frozen reality. The Kryozap 6000 emits a Counter-Bernoulli Effect Ray that reduces everything it touches to absolute zero Kelvin (-459.67° Fahrenheit). Easy to aim, easy to use. Makes frozen drinks!

Price: US$12,000,000 each (save 12%)

U.S. MILITARY MISSILE DEFENSE LASER

Sure, every villain wants a major league laser cannon for their base or lair. But who can afford the expense? Evil On A Budget, Inc. has recently acquired a number of U.S. Military prototype ground-based "Star Wars" laser cannons (we can't say how we got them, except to note that "Dubya" doesn't always look at what he's signing). Now, you might say, "but those Star Wars pieces of crap couldn't shoot down a slow-moving blimp with a target painted on the side!" True... but the U.S. Government can't admit that, making these the perfect blackmail weapon! You'll never even have to fire it (and you wouldn't want to try -- unless you have some eggs you'd like to poach).

Price: US$112,000,000 (%90 off original price)

S&N SOLAR LASER WEAPON

Scaramanga & No, LLC, the world's #1 choice in villainous architecture and weapons systems, presents the last word in laser cannons: the S&N Solar Laser Weapon. Fires a 500,000,000 giga-joule beam, capable of wiping out entire cities. And the best part is -- it's solar powered! Never have to worry about batteries or atomic cells!* Comes with corrugated safety cover. Ready to install with everything you need.**

Price: US$540,000,000
*requires 6 months of exposure to sunlight to fuel one blast
**requires Solex Agitator, not included

THE S&N SOLEX AGITATOR

The Ultimate Energy Source, the Solex Agitator turns ordinary sunlight into power capable of leveling cities and destroying nations. Unfortunately, there's only one in existence, so you'll have to make a bid. May be damaged (Nick Nack dropped it).

Bidding Starts at: US$1,000,000,000

ROENTGEN 8000 GROUND-BASED GAUSS PROJECTOR

Sure, you can blow out every microchip in the neighborhood with a low-altitude nuke blast. But what about shielded computers? What about directed targets? What if you want to erase every last "enemies" file at Langley, delete the London stock exchange, and kill that fucking know-it-all Kognitron at the League of Propriety? Then you need the Roentgen 8000 Gauss Projector. Turn it up to full, and you can melt people's brains. It's an all-purpose tool for murder and mayhem!

Price: US$1,700,000,000

MORBITEK ZOMBIFICATION RAY MK I

If Global Domination is your business, then don't pussyfoot around. Fear and intimidation can only go so far. With the ALL NEW Morbitek Zombification Ray MK I, you can turn entire cities into your obedient zombie minions! It works by irradiating the hippocampus of the human brain, reducing the victim to a raving zombie ready for your instructions. General Morbidity, inventor of the MK I, has this to say: "Buy my Zombification Ray, because if you don't, I'll turn you into a zombie and make you buy one anyway! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Price: US$8,250,999,999.99

POLAR ICE CAP DE-ICER

Flooding the world just got easier with the Polar Ice Cap De-Icer, new from the folks at Union Carbide of India LLC. Just place this 200' heating tower at either of the Earth's poles, and set it on "High." In days, the Dutch will be up to their sinsemilla in seawater. To save the Earth, just set it on "Cool" -- but don't leave it on too long, or the Earth's oceans will freeze solid! BWA HA HA HA HA!

Price: US$12,999,999,999.49 (save $0.50!)