VORACIOUS ALIEN LIFEFORM BIOSPHERE DESTRUCTION SYSTEM

Chronowerx Industries presents the ultimate in Xenobiological Biosphere Destruction Agents. The Tribble™ is an alien lifeform that does only two things; eats and reproduces. Place one Tribble in a corn field in Iowa, and computer simulations indicate that the entire biomass of the Earth's surface will be converted into Tribbles within 42 days, based on exponential growth. And they're so darn cute, the foolhardy human populace will not realize their peril until it's too late!

Price: US$100,000,000 ea.
*Do not expose to Klingons, or to Klingons posing as humans.

PROP "DOOMSDAY DEVICE"

Evil On A Budget, Inc. presents the prop "Doomsday Device," guaranteed to soil the knickers of your "heroic" adversaries. Actually a plastic box filled with cheap electronics, the device makes ominous "whoop whoop" sounds when activated, and a sinister female voice counts down from 100. Just press the "deactivate" button when the craven idiots give in to your demands. I mean, who's going to call your bluff on something called a "Doomsday Device?"

Price: US$99.99
*requires 2 AA batteries, not included

META-EBOLA HAEMORRHAGIC VIRUS TYPE D

Developed by the U.S. Army to "provide research necessary for defense against germ warfare" (ha ha ha), the Meta-Ebola Haemorrhagic Virus Type D is ten times deadlier and 20 times as communicable as the old Type C the Army tested at Jonestown. Once this baby gets into the environment, there will be no stopping it -- ask the recently deceased researchers at Fort Grange Hospital, which had to be firebombed after a nurse thought she might have left a lid open. Causes epidermal hemorrhaging, bloody stool, hardening of the ocular jelly, blackening of the extremities, paralyzation, and death, all in 12 minutes. Communicable by touch, by air, in water, or just by a victim looking at you funny. Dab some of this on some envelopes, mail them to various countries, and we guarantee global human annhilation within 72 hours, or your money back!

Price: US$50,000,000 per ml

ANTI-MATTER

Did you know that just 12 liters of anti-matter, when introduced to 12 liters of matter*, will create an energy reaction that will destroy the entire planet? But where can one acquire 12 liters of anti-matter? Why, from villainsupply, of course! Our Anti-Proton Decelerator is churning out anti-matter day and night, and storing it in easy-to-transport** magnetic containers. Be the first on your block to own anti-matter!

Price: US$450,000,000.00/liter.
*Matter not included.
**Each liter of anti-matter is stored in a 50-metric-ton concrete-lined magnetic storage container, suitable for transport by cargo ship or flatbed train car.
***Some individuals have characterized our prices for anti-matter as "ridiculously low." Apparently, using your PATHETIC EARTH SCIENCE, it would cost a lot more to manufacture anti-matter. But we are are far more advanced, and we are passing the savings on to you.

DOOMSDAY STAR SATELLITE SYSTEM

From Scaramanga & No, LLC, the world's #1 choice in villainous architecture and weapons systems, the Doomsday Star Satellite fires a single fusion-powered energy blast that instantly liquifies the Earth's crust, destroying all life. Be the envy of other supervillains. Orbital insertion not included.*

Price: US$1,200,000,000 (additonal 10% discount for recidivist VilAnon members)
*requires the Halex Diamond for beam cohesion; currently stored at the Pentagon's High Security Facility in Virginia.

PLANETBUSTER SUBTERRANEAN MISSILE

Did you know that a single full-yield nuclear warhead, deployed at the Earth's core, will cause a chain reaction that will vaporize the entire planet? Well, now you do. But how can you get the warhead to the Earth's core? With the Planetbuster® Subterranean Missile System from Global Domination Technologies, LLC. The Planetbuster eats through rock at 60 meters/second; it's impervious to the temperatures in the Earth's mantle; and it's guaranteed to work or your money back!*

Price: US$3,400,000,000
*interference by government agents or "hero" groups voids guarantee

XLAIXU GLOBAL DISINTIGRATOR KEY

Sixty-five million years ago, the earth was invaded by an alien race called the Xlaixu. They intended to enslave an intelligent saurian race called the X!x!, who were just developing space travel. The Xlaixu built a massive Doomsday Device beneath what is now Nepal, called the Xlaixu Global Disintigrator, planning to set it off if looked like the X!x! would win the war. The two races annihilated each other before the Global Disintigrator could be deployed, and it sits beneath the Himalayas today. The Cabal of Impropriety has acquired the Key required to activate the device, and as part of our Going Out of Business Sale (thanks to the Justice Jammers), we're selling the Key at a bargain price.

Price: US$100,000,000,000

APOCALYPSE SOLAR DESTROYER BREAKING GOD MUYI MUYI

From the brilliant but strange folks at Lovely Nippon Villain Kyen Kyen, the penultimate Doomsday Device. The Apocalypse Solar Destroyer Breaking God Muyi Muyi launches from any standard superdimensional fortress, and will destroy any class "M" star. Need we point out that The Sun is a class "M" star? It's not "Doomsday" if there's anywhere to hide -- destroy the whole solar system just to be sure.

Price: ¥270,671,422,812
*must be piloted by scantily-clad female elfin bioroid

THE ULTIMATE FORMULA "X"

In 1893, an insane British mathematician named Dr. Leslie Steambender attempted to use algebra, Kabbalah, ancient Mesopotamian texts, and Chartered Accountancy Actuarial Tables to develop a single mathematical formula that would describe all of reality -- The Ultimate Formula "X." To read this formula aloud would DESTROY ALL CREATION, ending the universe and (if you believe in such things) KILLING GOD HIMSELF. Just as Steambender had finished putting the formula to paper, a team of Freemason assassins killed him and stole the document, placing it unread in a vault beneath the Tower of London. This piece of paper has been acquired by a private collector, and is now for sale to the highest bidder. The seller only requests that he have time to retreat to an alternate dimension before it is used. Serious bidders only.

Bidding starts at: US$172,000,000,000,000