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villainsupply
presents a complete inventory of products to satisfy your
infiltrator containment and induced information retrieval needs.
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 There
are two kinds of traps; incarceration traps, and
deathtraps. Whichever kind of trap you decide to employ
against your do-gooder foe, be sure to follow the
Cardinal Rule of Traps:
TRAPS
SHOULD BE ESCAPE PROOF!
And
just calling a trap "escape proof" doesn't cut
the mustard. If your trap requires the presence of
henchpersons to prevent escape, it is not
escape-proof. If a trapped individual can foil the trap
using a laser watch or a belt grapple, it is not
escape proof. That's why all my traps vaporize the hero
instantly. Fuck 'em, I say -- I'll explain my evil
schemes to my cat.
-- Baron Devastation, The Brotherhood of Genetic
Impurity |
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MYRMELEONTIDAE
XENOGENETICA "BRAIN-EATING" BUG
From
Monsanto Special Projects Division, the people who
brought you Man-Eating Corn, comes the latest in torture
and mind-control biotechnology. The Myrmeleontidae
xenogenetica is a deadly Neuroptera with
alien DNA spliced in for good measure. The insect
burrows in through the victim's ear, travelling into the
brain and laying thousands of eggs. As well as causing
horrendous pain, the bug also leaves the victim open to
hypnotic suggestion. After 10 days, the victim's head
bursts, and you have thousands of new bugs to play
with!*
Price:
US$12,999 for starter kit
* bugs may attack you and your minions.
Well, not "may." "Will."
** bugs require living human brain tissue to eat.
Survival not guaranteed without large quantities of
living human brain tissue
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ULTRA-BUDGET
MAN TRAP
Evil
On A Budget, Inc. presents the Ultra-Budget Man Trap
Kit. Just dig a hole*, place these sharpened spikes in
the bottom, and cover the hole with loose branches. You
have a deadly trap in just minutes!
Price:
US$29.49 (Save 20%!)
* hole not included
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INSTA-FALL
TRAP DOOR W/ CAMOUFLAGE
Trap-A-Matic
Inc. presents the Insta-Fall™ Trap Door, camouflaged
to match any floor type. Never have to put up with a
surly henchperson, disloyal subordinate, or incautious
hero again! Activated by hidden button, by pressure
sensor, or by The Clapper™.
Price:
US$1,200; BUY TWO, GET ONE FREE!
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COMPELLED
INTERROGATION TOOLKIT
Why
suffer with shoddy, homemade torture instruments, when
you can cause suffering with these professional
stainless steel interrogation instruments from
MedievaSurgical Tools LLC, Istanbul, Turkey. From the
Epidermal Extruder to the Genital Chafer, each device is
hand-crafted from the finest materials. And cleanup is
easy!
Price:
US$1,899.99
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COGNITRON
2000 ENGRAM DESTABILIZER
Torture
is fun, but does it really produce reliable information?
When you really have to know, employ the
Cognitron 2000. This advanced mind control device breaks
down the synaptic barriers in the victim's mind,
revealing to the interrogator anything they wish to
know. Plus, it hurts -- A LOT. Requires trained
personnel for use. Uncomfortable examination chair not
included.
Price:
US$870,000
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SHARK
TRAP with Lasers attached to their Heads
Sure,
you could just cap that meddlesome government
agent in the head with any cheap gun-shop pistol. But
would that be fun? That's why you need an
Aqua-Lethal Industries Shark Trap. Spend hours watching
your least favorite intruder getting nibbled to death by
a Great White Shark. And never worry about disposing of
the bodies again! This 12,000 gallon aquarium of death
comes either open-top or with trapdoor exposure. Easy to
clean. Kit includes three (3) great white shark shark
eggs and six weeks worth of Purina Baby Shark Chow.
Price:
US$1,200,000 each; extra shark eggs US$49.00 each
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MAZE
OF DEATH
Why
simply imprison or kill your enemies, when you can have
hours of fun toying with their lives? Install the Maze
of Death, the finest in Malevolence-Enablement
Architecture. This 100m x 200m x 10m facility fits in
any medium to large lair, and comes complete with punji-stick
traps, crushing walls, fire jets, protruding blades,
collapsing floors, and much, much more! From Scaramanga
& No, the number one choice in evil contracting.
Price:
US$850,000 (Save 10%!)
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CYBERNETIC
VIRTUAL TERROR SIMULATION
Admit
it -- your Dungeon of Death can only be so deadly. Your
Carnival of Doom can only doom a man so far. And your
Arena of Pain -- well, how painful is it, really? The
fact is, there's nothing as terrifying as the horrors
that dwell in a man's own psyche. That's why Mengele
Medical has created the Cyberrtoir 3000, a virtual
simulated universe that takes your victim's own worst
fears and turns them into a 3D, all-sensory virtual
nightmare. Your victim doesn't even know he's attached
to the Cyberrtoir 3000 by a trunk of cranial implants --
he thinks he's awake and free, wandering your lair,
about to save the day. That is, until his own mother's
vagina comes to devour him with sticky pointy teeth.
Price:
US$250,000,000
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CARNIDYNE
ROBOTIC TIGER 2000
If
you've kept live man-eating Bengal tigers for your man
traps, then you know what a hassle they are.
Special food, expensive medicine, temperature controls,
flea and tick care, a couple of gay Germans to train and
look after them -- and that's just the beginning of the
unforeseen expenses that real tigers incur. That's why
you need the Carnidyne Robotic Tiger 2000. Developed by
a firm that produces animatronic animals for amusement
parks, the CRT 2000 is an autonomous unit programmed to
maul, kill, and consume any human being within 50 feet.
But most importantly, you never feed it*, never maintain
it**, it works in any environment***, never gets
fleas****, and looks after itself*****!
Price:
US$1,200,000,000 ea. Battery packs (100 hours)
US$250,000.
*requires battery packs
**requires daily lubrication treatment
***relative humidity may not exceed 22%
****the software is kind of buggy, though
*****requires two specially-trained gay German
technicians
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